Sirius Black's Notebook
by books4evah
Summary: I need good blackmail on Prongsierella... I've got it! I will record all of his failures with Lily in this notebook, its NOT a diary, Moony, and if he steps out of line, MUAHAHAHAHA! I'm EVIL, EVIL, I SAY!
1. Entry1

Disclaimer (and this counts towards the whole story): I do not own Harry Potter, and never will, so leave me alone in peace.

AN: For the writing, just in case

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**The Notebook of Sirius Black- Entry 1**

I am Sirius Black. Yeah, yeah, I know. The Blacks are evil little purebloods that hate anyone who's a muggleborn, blood-traitor, et cetera, et cetera. Of course, I being the one and only Sirius Black (yes, I am that devilish, godly, gorgeous, marauder: don't tell me you've never heard of me) hate my family for all they're worth. This past summer, I actually ran away, to stay with Prongsie and his family.

But, I don't feel like getting into that at the moment. (And, if you disagree, well, TOO BAD. I can say anything I like and you must agree, as I am such a handsome, gorgeous, godly, wonderful, amazing, beautiful, handsome, intelligent, w-

_Sirius, STOP IT. I'm sure that that is just paper that you're writing on. Anyway, you're repeating words, and, you're not smart. Plus, I beat that your diary-_

It's not a diary, Moony!

_Then what exactly is it?_

A notebook!

_That's preposterous. You aren't even taking notes, what you're writing is what girls write in their diaries. Padfoot? Are you listening (ok, more like reading)?_

Sorry, what were you writing? Oh, wait, what does preposterous mean?

_Honestly, Padfoot. You aren't very bright sometimes, are you?_

Never mind that. Are you going to tell me what preposterous means or not?

_Not._

Fine. I'll just have to continue writing my notes in peace.

_Those aren't notes! You aren't even writing down what Professor McGonagall is saying! Heck, you aren't even listening to her!_

So? I already know all about animagi, don't I?

_All right. But still, those aren't notes!_

They're notes! They just don't happen to be about anything having to do with my lessons.

Bloody hell! Sirius is taking notes?!

Shut up, Wormtail. And no cursing. You'll warp your young mind with it!

I'm only two months younger! And I'll curse if I want too.

Will not.

Will too.

Will not.

Will too.

Will not!

Will too!

Will NOT!

Will TOO!

WILL NOT!

WILL TOO!

WILL NOT!!!

WILL TOO!!!

**GUYS! Shut up! McGonagall is getting suspicious!**

Oh, hey Prongs!

Prongs?

Prongs?

OI! PRONGSIE-RELLA!! WHERE ARE YOU?

Ohhh, that's kinda catchy! Prongsie, Prongsie, Prongsie, where are you? We've got some work for you now! Prongsie, Prongsie, Prongsie, where are you? We've got a mystery to solve now!

Like the mystery of where all of my friends have gone! Let's get started with the background information.

Wormtail (a.k.a. Peter Pettigrew and Wormy) is a short ('round 5'5") boy of seventeen; he is in year seven of Hogwarts. He's round, and has short blond hair with watery blue eyes. He is one of the marauders, and an illegal animagus: a rat. Although, lately, he hasn't been hanging around with us. Whatever. He's cool. He's like my minion. He does whatever I say! Awesome, right?

Moony (a.k.a. Remus Lupin and Moony –poo, that last one I only use when I REALLY want to get on his nerves, because Moony knows his hexes really well) has dirty blond hair, brown eyes, and is 6'1". He's a marauder, but also, the ultimate bookworm. And, he actually goes in the library!! Oh, the HORROR!! (Let's just say, the last time I entered the library, a panic attack, involving some heavy duty gnawing, occurred. That chair leg will never be the same). Anyway, he's also smart. Not that James and I aren't, we're just lazy. I take that back, it's just me now. Moony's also a werewolf.

Prongs (a.k.a. James Potter, Prongsie, and Prongsie-rella) is about 6'3", has hazel eyes, and the unruliest, jet-black hair known to mankind. He's my best mate, head boy (th horror!) an illegal animagus (a stag), and the leader of the marauders. Oh, and I forgot the part about his case of Lily-itis. He fell in love with Lily Evans in Third year, and every since, has asked her out nonstop 24/7. It really wasn't till 7th year that he started going crazy over her. He won't stop talking about how beautiful she is, and stuff like that. And then, according to Moony's advice (I hate you Moony, I really do) he started growing up. Now, he actually listens in class, he altogether stopped hexing Snivellus (without a reason, that is), and has really cut down on the pranks. Even Moony seems to regret what he said. Hey! Maybe Evans is the culprit!

Okay, now, Evans is about 5'8" with long auburn hair, and emerald green-eyes. I would have said I didn't know her height, and she has red hair and green eyes, but this is what happens when your roommate obsesses over someone day and night. It kinda wears off on you. Anyway, she's even bigger of a nerd than Moony. Moony at least has us to keep him from spending all his time in the library. The weird thing is, Lily actually has friends. Her best friend happens to be Alice Prewett, a fellow nerd, and the apple of Frank Longbottom's (my roommate, and fellow Quidditch teammate) eye. She isn't really friends with the following, more like close acquaintances (Moony would be proud): Mary Macdonald (a chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team) and Marlene McKinnon (a female version of me).

And speaking of me, let's describe the detective! I'm Padfoot (a.k.a. Sirius Black and Siri, oh, how I detest that name.). I'm 6'3", have shoulder-length black hair (which unlike Prongs, is shiny, smooth, and well kept), gray eyes, and girls say I have a face carved by angels, thank you. I'm the player of the school, and the life of the marauders.

_Umm, Padfoot?_

YAAAY! Moony! You're back!!

_I never left the Transfiguration classroom._

Ohhh, that's where you were.

_Anyway, I thought you should know that Transfiguration's over._

So?

_You can leave now._

Yes? Your point?

_It's lunch._

YAAAAAYY!!!! FOOD!!!!

_Why do I even bother?_

AN: Hope you liked it. This is my first story, so it may not be perfect. Don't be afraid to give reviews and suggestions.


	2. Entry 2

Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will.

Just in case:

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry 2**

So, here I am. Back here again. In the ol' notebook, taking notes. Yep. That's right. Here sits Sirius Black. Very innocent, Taking his notes in History of Magic. Like a good boy. That's right. Extremely bored. Just taking-

_All right! Stop it already! I get it; you're bored!_

I knew you'd crack soon!

**Of course he'd crack! Who wouldn't, what, with your inability to come up with different adjectives!**

Why, thank you! Hey, wait!

…

Prongsie?

…

Prongsie?

…

Prongsie! PRONGSIE!

…

OI! PRONGSIE-RELLA, WHERE ARE YOU!!

…

I can't believe I've done it, again! It was bad enough losing him the first time, now I've got to go through the torture a second time! I mean, just think about where he is, Moony! He could be drowning at the bottom of the lake, or stuck in detention with Professor Slughorn, having to lick the cauldrons clean! Or even worse! Stuck in an empty Quidditch field with Snivellus! Oh, the horror!! Right Moony?

Moony?

Moony?

OHHHH, MOONY-POO!

_Sirius, shut up!! You're yelling the hated name in class! You're lucky that Professor Binns died last year, leaving him inattentive!_

Inattentive?

_You don't know what that is, right?_

Will you tell me?

_What do you think?_

Yes!

_No._

Fine, forget it. Now, the hated name is Moony-poo, right?

_Shut up!!_

Meanie.

_Whatever. And, there are some things you should know about your monologue on where James might be._

What does monologue mean?

…

All right, all right!! Just stop glaring at me!! What did you want me to know?

_First off, if James was-_

Call him Prongs!

_Fine. If Prongs was in the lake, the giant squid would toss him out. Secondly, Slughorn would never be that mean. He barely gives out detentions. Lastly, you seriously need to get your priorities straight._

Why? What's wrong with them?

_I'd understand a broom closet, but being stuck on a QUIDDITCH PITCH with him is the worst place in the world you can be?!_

Yes, quite.

_Idiot._

So. Obviously, you know where Prongsie is. WHERE IS HE?!!

_He left the conversation ages ago._

Why?

_For no reason other than to stare at Lily. You know, he's still sitting right next to you._

Ewwwww!! He's drooling all over the desk!

_Yep, that happens when he looks at Lily._

I HATE this!!

_What exactly is this?_

How Prongs is head boy, with the head girl being none other than "the perfect Lily Evans"! He wasn't even made prefect, for god's sake!!

_What exactly is so bad about that?_

I'm losing my best mate! He's always patrolling with Lily, and won't dare miss a meeting or class, just to look mature for Lily!! Stupid Lily Evans.

_Maybe you'll see sense when you fall in love._

What! That's outrageous! Sirius Black does not fall in love! He's a player! He only has a girlfriend for two weeks, tops! He-

_Yeah, yeah I get it. I'm going to stop you here before you go on ranting about how your record relationship is with Camilla Brown, and it lasted 2 hours._

Yes, and I'm very proud that both of those hours were spent in the broom closet in the corridor outside of the Gryffindor Common Room.

_Yes, and please don't get into the details. But surely, you've, at some point in your life, drooled over another girl._

You know, Marlene McKinnon looks very nice today.

_Nice attention span._

Very nice indeed.

_Stop it, Padfoot, you're drooling._

Oops.

_Well, anyways, I do agree. Prongs should be spending some time with us._

I think so too.

Shut up, Wormtail. I still haven't forgiven you for last night.

_Why? What happened?_

Well, it was last night-

When you and Prongs were out patrolling.

Padfoot and I were very bored, and I convinced him to play a round of Gobstones.

I was a little bit weirded out; because everyone else stopped playing Gobstones around second year, and Wormtail still had a set. But I was bored and agreed.

So we played, and I being the expert I am-

Shut up Wormtail.

Jeez, Padfoot, you can stop growling. But anyway, we played for a little while, and one of my stones squirted pus into his eye.

And I spent a good portion of the night washing the pus out of my eye.

The girls were laughing like crazy when he shrieked. Let's just say, everyone thought that Sirius Black was a girl for a while.

_So that's why Marlene and Lily cracked up when you walked in the Great Hall for breakfast._

**Did some one mention Lily?**

No Prongsie, why don't you just go back to watching Lily?

**Okay.**

You know what? That's severely sickening. I think we should keep Prongsie from going insane. He really needs to spend more time with us.

_How are you going to do that? Rules?_

That's it!

_Really? I wasn't being serious, you know!_

Of course not, I'm Sirius!

_That jokes really old, you know._

Okay now. I present to you, the Rules of Sirius!

James must spend at least two hours with the other marauders, a day.

But Prongs already spends the whole day with us, anyway!

Those two hours cannot be during class, a meal, or when the marauders are doing homework, or sleeping.

James must refrain from drooling, or ranting about Lily during those two hours.

James must presume (what'da'ya think about that Moony? Look at that big word!) pranking the students and teachers of Hogwarts as usual.

James has until the 15th of October to get Lily to go out with him. After that date, he must move on, and the amazingly talented Sirius Black will set him up if need be.

And that concludes the Rules of Sirius Black.

_Wonderful, wonderful. I see no loophole. Except for the part where we have no way of forcing Prongs into following the rules!!_

Oh, that could be a problem. The only way I see could force him into following the rules is blackmail. Hehe. Blackmail. That's my last-

_Yes, we know it's your last name._

Except for the mail part.

_Are we going to move on?_

Right. Anyway, moving on. I need good blackmail on Prongsie-rella.

_Prongsie-rella?_

Prongsie-rella? Who's that?

I've got it!

**Got what?**

_Just read what you've missed. It'd be easier than trying to explain it all._

**I have to do WHAT! SIRIUS!! I will never, ever, ever, EVER be able to move on from Lily. Without committing suicide, that is. But, anyways, I don't have to follow the rules, you know.**

Ah, that's what we've been discussing. And I found the perfect solution. I will record all of Prongsie-rella's-

**PRONGSIE-RELLA?!!**

_That's what I said!_

**I GIVE YOU 2 MINUTES ALONE, AND YOU START CALLING ME PRONGSIE-RELLA?!!**

_Prongs, you should probably stop growling at Padfoot. People are starting to stare._

**So?**

_Lily's one of them._

**Lily?**

Anyway, as I was saying. I will record all of his failures and attempts with Lily in this notebook (it's not a diary, Remus!) and if he steps one toe out of line, MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! I'M EVIL!! EVIL, I SAY!!

_Very "special" Sirius._

**Yeah, and what exactly were you planning on doing?**

Showing this to certain people. Like your children, for instance. Or, future wife.

**Who will be Lily.**

Yeah, right. Or, even worse, I'LL PUBLISH IT!!

**I don't care.**

But, what will death eaters do? Maybe, they'll target Lily, to get you to join your ranks!

**Yeah right. Very likely. **

If you feel that way, than why are you pulling at your hair like that?

**No reason.**

_New straightening technique, huh?_

What about, if I show it to your fangirls? Think they'll like Lily anymore? OR if I show it to-

**Fine! I'll do it! Just shut up!!**

MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! See, Moony, I told you it'd work! I'M EVIL!! Buh-bye now.

_How did I get to be friends with these people?_


	3. Entry 3

Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will.

Text:

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry 3**

I walk this empty road on the boulevard of broken dreams.

When the city sleeps, and I'm the only one and I walk alone.

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating.

My shadow's the only thing that walks beside me.

Sometimes-

_Padfoot! Stop singing! The whole common room is staring!!_

Jeez, you don't have to be so mean about it.

_Who said I was mean?_

What'da'ya mean by that?

_Stupid- improper grammar- can't spell- barely knows definitions-understands nothing-_

Moony, you're muttering incomprehensibly. Wasn't that an awesome word?

_It wouldn't seem so cool if you had the I.Q. of at least a kindergartener._

What's I.Q.?

_Fine, for once I'll answer, seeing that not many wizards actually know what that is. It measures-_

More importantly, what's a kindergartener?

_Stupid- idiot- Padfoot- unintelligent- Moony-poo-_

Again with the muttering, Moony?

…

Is it a new fad? Should I start muttering?

…

Okay, let's start. Hmmm, shat should I mutter about? That's it!

Prongs- bloody Evans- pranks- Snivellus- more pranks- FUN!!- rules- pranks again-

_PADOOOT!! FOR ONC IN YOUR BLOODY LIFE, SHUT UP!!_

You curse now?

_SHUT UP!!_

Okay.

…

_Ahhh, peace and quiet._

_For once._

…

…

…

Hello! 

Hello?

…

Anyone there?

…

I'm all alone! NO!! Everyone's died, haven't they!!

_Relax, Peter. We're sitting right next to you. _

Phew. I was getting a little worried.

A LITTLE worried, Peter? You were practically BAWLING!!

So? I just have very sensitive tear glands!

Yeah, that's the key. Very.

Stop mocking me!!

Do I have very much incentive there?

I'll do whatever you want! Whatever! Do you hear me?!

Hmmmm…

Yes?

Hmmm…

Go on.

Hmmm…

What's your verdict!!

Hmmm…

_Just tell him already! He's practically bursting at the seams!_

Fine. Wormtail,

WHAT!!

_Very edgy._

Go get me a 1955 vintage chardonnay, with a medium-rare steak, topped with a butter sauce, complete with a side of lightly roasted potatoes, and caviar.

Yes, sir! On the double!!

Chop, chop!!

_Well, he's gone. And you DRINK?_

Wait. WORMTAIL! DON'T FORGET THE LOBSTERS!!!

_I think your utterly expensive taste in food can wait, Sirius._

Why?

_We have more important matters to attend to._

Like what?

_James and Lily._

Oh, right!! Operation S.I.R.U.S. is a go!!

_Operation S.I.R.I.U.S.?_

Yeah, it stands for: Seriously, Irksome Red Iguanas, Unattended, Sleep.

_What the bloody hell?_

So maybe I had a few chocolate bars while coming up with it.

_So that's why my whole stash of chocolate was missing when I woke up._

I only had a few.

_Does about a hundred of Honeyduke's Premium Chocolate Bars count as a few to you?_

OKAY!! SO I HAD ANOTHER SUGAR HIGH!! WHAT DOES IT MATTER!!

_Remember last time you had a sugar high?_

Yeah, last Halloween!

_And you went around stealing the first year's candy?_

Did not!

_Did too!_

Not!

_Too!_

Fine.

_Anyway, you ate so much candy in an hour, that you ran around, singing 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty, so pretty, and witty, and young' and on? You also sang the American national anthem, while stripping. And you-_

We don't need James' kids hearing about that one. Think about what it'll do to their virgin ears!

_Oh, yeah. So, what's with the name?_

Sugar high, remember?

_Right. But couldn't we change it?_

Can't. Wrote the name in sharpie all over the notebook.

_Fine. Operation S.I.R.I.U.S. (Seriously, Irksome Red Iguanas, Unattended, Sleep) is in action)._

**Nice operation name. **

Thanks!

**Lemme guess. Sirius came up with it.**

_Yep, don't ask. Long story._

So, how did things with Lily go?

**Guess.**

_I'd have to say that after enchanting the Slytherins and staff to serenade her-_

Don't forget the card, that wouldn't stop asking her out!

_And when you flew around her, sweeping her up onto the broom, and kissed her-_

She was shrieking so hard!

_And the slap mark's still there!_

I'll never forget that one!

**So? What does that mean? Will she say yes?**

Idiot.

_Very nice._

**So?**

_She thought you were maturing!_

Mate, seriously. Even I could woo her better.

_Basically, you're dead!_

**Thanks so much.**

You need to work on your sarcasm.

**I'm going to a dark corner to mope. Even Snape could do better.**

Yep, that's right.

_Stop glaring at him, Prongs. Surely you knew that Snape and Lily were friends. Right?_

**Oh. Bye, now.**

You know, Marlene looks very nice, today. I'm going to go see if she'll want to go in a broom closet soon.

_Gross. You know what? I'm going. There's a very interesting chapter of Moby Dick waiting for me._

…

Sirius! I have your food!

…

Hello? Sirius?

…

Sirius?

AN: I'm not going to have Sirius fall in love. That's not Sirius. He's a player. I just need him to have a girl to snog.


	4. Entry 4

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry.

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry 4**

Dumbledore is off his rocker.

A definite nutter.

An old hag.

_He is not!_

Yes, he is!

_Fine, he's crazy, but an absolute genius._

Than how exactly do you explain today's events?

**You know, that's exactly why I love Dumbledore.**

No one asked you, you Lily-obsessed freak!

**Am not obsessed with Lily!**

Than how exactly do you explain knowing her favorite candies?

_Or her favorite classes?_

Or her mother's maiden name?

_God, that's creepy!_

Not as creepy as other things.

_Like knowing what she wants to name her children?_

**Ummm… Yeah. About that…**

Oh no! My best mates gone insane!

_Padfoot, hate to break it to you, but Prongs lost his sanity a while back._

Well, at least he hasn't started naming their premature kids!

**What? You mean Harry?**

WHAT?

**Yeah, we're only having one kid, and spoiling him rotten!**

I take back what I said.

**And one of you will be the godfather…**

OOOOH!! I CALL GODFATHER!! ME-ME-ME!! PICK ME!!

_You are all insane!!_

**And then, I'll need a best man!!**

I call dibs on best man!!

_No fair!! You shouldn't get to be godfather AND best man!! I want to be one!! There's got to be a limit on what you can call!_

You can be my best man-

_I thought you were a player who would never fall in love?_

Oh, right. Screw that then. Well, there's always Wormtail… Oh, no, wait. There's NO chance that ANY girl will EVER agree to marry Wormtail.

_You're right there._

Be your own best man. Wait. Would that work out very well?

_Your stupidity amazes me._

Thank you… Hey! Wait a minute!!

_You see what I have to deal with, Prongs?_

**Yeah, I gotta pity you.**

You know, I'm still here.

_Oh, we know. But the question is, do you know?_

Hmmm, that is a good question. I have to think about that one.

**Actually, that's the first time I've ever seen him being serious.**

I'm always Sirius! It's my name, you know!!

_Don't you have a question to answer?_

Right, right.

Hey, did I miss anything? I just got the tortoise to tap dance.

**Not to much. We're just watching Padfoot be an idiot. **

Isn't that the case 24/7?

_Yes, but he's been more so, especially since Dumbledore's announcement._

I figured it out!!

_Well?_

I don't know!!

**Brilliant, really.**

Even I'm not that much of an idiot.

_I just thought of something._

What?

_Well, this is the Operation S.I.R.I.U.S. notebook, right?_

Right.

_Well, shouldn't we write about Dumbledore's announcement? It does have significance with the plan._

Good idea. Let's get to it.

**I'm not chopped liver, you know, don't I get a say in this?**

No.

Anyway. So, last night, we were all eating.

Mmmmm, food.

I was egging on Prongsie while he was speed-asking Evans to the dance. Of course, all she had to do was give him the McGonagall glare for him to stop.

**It's such a turnoff to be reminded of McGonagall when thinking about-**

DON'T WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT!!!

So Dumbledore stood, and as usual, everyone shut up.

He started talking on and on about how we were young adults in the midst of a war, and therefore, have the right to some fun before we graduate.

"To install this," the barmy old codger began-

_PADFOOT!!_

Fine.

"We will do something extra special for Halloween. This of course, means no annual Halloween feast.-"

_There you moaned and yelled "NO CANDY?!! DIE DUMBLEDORE!!"_

Shut up.

And after that interlude, Dumbledore said "We will still have candy, Mr. Black, so, I would appreciate it, if you would please forestall my death."

Moony! Stop chuckling! It ruins the mood!

_What, is the mood supposed to be gloomy?_

Yes! There's no feast where I can gorge myself in food!!

_If that's how you feel, then why don't you just go down to the kitchens!_

Ugh, you just don't get it! Do you?

**On with the story!**

So he said, "We, will old a masquerade ball. You shall dress up in different muggle costumes, and we shall have a dance. Noting to formal. But, you will have a weekend in Hogsmeade to get the costumes. Thank you."

And Dumbledore sat back down.

Isn't that horrible?

_Actually, think of it this way, you can ask Marlene McKinnon. I heard her talking about dressing up as a hula dancer._

So?

_You know what hula dancers wear?_

No.

_Want me to tell you?_

Yes.

…

WHAT?!! I'M DEFINITELY ASKING HER!!

_Wonder if he'll get her._

**Probably yes, remember, she's a player too.**

"Hey, Marlene, mind going to the masquerade with me?"

"Eh, sure, but wait. Any broom closets involved?"

"As many as you want."

"Then I'm in. See you there."

"Wait, what about seeing you in the broom closet behind the Ancient Runes classroom, tonight?"

"It's on."

_That's just sick._

**Gotta agree with that.**

Hey, Prongsie!

**What?**

Don't you have a certain redhead to ask out!

**Can't believe I forgot! Well, I'm on it!**

_Whoa, there. _

**Yeah, Moony?**

_Just think you should know, October the 15__th__ is in five days._

**Bloody hell!!**

He's gone, with the wind.

_Ooh, I should get back to reading that!_

What?

_Gone With the Wind, you idiot!_

Bye Remus. Right, you can't hear me. Eh, I have a date with the drool-worthy Marlene McKinnon (unlike Evans).

I just went practically a whole conversation without them noticing me. 

…

I'd say sweet, but it's not that sweet to have someone playing tug-of-war with a notebook above your head, and still not realizing you're there.


	5. Entry 5

Disclaimer: Do I look insanely rich? That's right. I'm not J.K. Rowling. Wish I were.

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry 5**

To think that MY best mate could go to those lengths, for a GIRL. Quidditch, or a prank, well, that I could understand.

_Padfoot, will you ever get the concept of love?_

No.

What he said.

_Self-confidence much?_

For your information, I pride myself on being incapable of understanding love. Very macho.

Ooh! Ooh! Teach me, will you?

Sure thing, Wormy.

Ooh! Can I have a macho nickname?

_Like what? Rex?_

Maybe, but I was thinking along the lines of Ironfist, or Steel Fingers.

Do you have an obsession with metal, or something?

Maybe. 

Whatever.

Cookie boy?

Maybe, but where'd'ya get that from?

Look at all those cookies!

Mmmm, cookies. Wait, what did you say?

I said, look at all those cookies over there!

YAY!! COOKIES!!

_I hate fortune cookies._

Random much?

_Ohm sorry. It's just, my aunt sends me a whole barrel of fortune cookies prior to Halloween every year, and lately, the fortunes have been kind of weird. _

Mind if I have some?

_Nah._

All right. So what are some of these weird fortunes?

_One said my deepest and darkest secret would be worked out by a thirteen year old._

Odd. Hey listen to what this one says! I'll be feared by the world! Only to be killed by drapery.

_That's worse than mine._

Awesome!

What?

Mine says that metal will play a very important role in my not-so-near- future.

_Brilliant. This one says that an eleven year old is smarter than me._

Is that bloody possible?

I didn't think so.

This one says I will own a flying motorbike one day. Awesome?

I wish I owned a flying motorbike. 

_What does yours say Wormtail?_

I'm gay.

Uhhh, why don't we get on with the notebook?

_Yeah._

"Jamsie! Get over here!"

**What! I was planning out how to woo Lily! Time is money, Padfoot!!**

We just wanted to see if you wanted to have a fortune cookie.

**Eh, sure, would on hurt?**

_Well, what does it say?_

**That I'm very much in love with a certain redhead.**

Wow. That's something we _never _would have guessed.

**And well get married and have a son, who's an identical version of me, with Lily's eyes. Then we'll get killed, and he'll become a hero, kill off the dark lord, and marry a redhead.**

_Okay._

Psh. Like Lily would marry you. That whole fortune's completely absurd (ooh, big word).

**Actually, it's all very likely.**

_Huh?_

**There's a certain Potter gene, which makes all Potter men fall madly in love with red heads. All of the women in the family have red hair.**

Like the fact that all of the men have messy black hair, and circular glasses?

**Very funny.**

_Here, have another fortune cookies._

**Ow! Thanks for throwing it in my eye! Ooh!**

Why did he run off?

_I don't know, but I wonder what his fortune was?_

'A certain redhead likes to have water balloons thrown at them.'

…

Moony, why are you cracking up?

_The certain redhead that the fortune cookie is talking about is Bilius Weasley!_

That nutter in fifth?

_Yep._

James is so dead.

_Couldn't say it better myself._

Guys, why don't we record all of James' attempts at wooing Lily in the notebook?

Good thinking, Wormtail!

Thank you.

_Wormtail, I think you can stop blushing. You might burst a vein._

Yeah, your face looks like a-

_Why don't you go wash up back in the dormitories?_

Right.

Why'd you shove him away like that? Heavens knows we could use the laughs!

_Remember Wormtail's fortune?_

Yeah, that was weird.

_His second one._

Oh.

_Well, he started blushing when complimented him, and he didn't when I gave him a better compliment. _

Uh-uh. I give better compliments than you!

_Well, I think Wormy might like you._

Ewwww!! Gross images! Get them out of my head!

_Let's just go on to recording Prongs' attempts_

And mistakes.

_Right. So, there was the poem._

Now, THAT was funny.

_Sure was._

The poem read, Roses are red, Violets are Blue, July is hot, and you are too.

_Poor thing. He thinks that's what might appeal to Lily. _

The poem was simply horrible. Even I could do better.

_What would you do?_

As much as McGonagall's an old hag, You're hot, I'm even hotter, and Let's shag.

_You're sadly mistaken._

Anyway, he wrote the poem in white lilies, and have it hover over the tables in the Great Hall.

_Lily slapped him even before he could kneel at her feet and beg her to go out with him._

And then there was the time he enchanted Flitwick to stop talking and repeatedly ask Lily to the ball for him.

_Not even going to say what was wrong there._

And, even worse for James, when Flitwick could speak normally again, he praised James on his work.

_Then Lily went on to prove her ability in charms._

Let's just say James' left buttock will never be the same.

_Then he decided to serenade her in the middle of the night._

Surprisingly enough, that boy can sing.

_But then, he decided to use the Sonorous charm-_

And the whole school heard him singing.

_But, I don't think his choice of song was very good._

Yeah, singing 'The Bitch is Back' might not be the best song to sing to Lily.

_Got that right (for once in his life)._

I swear, though. I saw Dumbledore smile at it!!

_Uh-oh. Is it just me, or do I hear the dulcet tones of Lily yelling?_

Ooooh! James got dissed!

_Ah, here he is, ready to mope. I daresay he'll be moping a lot from now on._

Wha- oh, right! Tomorrow is the 15th! I better get out my match maker clothes!

_Poor James. What have I gotten him into?_

Lily's coming!

_Come on! If you want to live, than RUN!!_


	6. Entry 6

Disclaimer: I will never, ever, ever, in the history of the world, own Harry Potter. So get used to it.

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry Six**

Prongs is insane.

I know I start every entry saying something like that, but I really mean it this time.

_For once, I must agree._

You better hope Prongs doesn't hear this.

Oh, trust me, he won't.

Why?

Lets say he's busy.

And where is he, anyway?

_He's up in the dormitories, moping._

Moping? Moping? That's what you call what he's doing?

Well, isn't he?

No! He's in the bathroom, trying to commit suicide!!

How's that done?

_Well, he could drown himself in the bathtub or shower, he could drown himself in the toilet, he could take pills-_

Would you mind if you stopped thinking up ways my best mate could kill himself in the bathroom!

I thought they were quite creative!

Freak.

_I'm not your best mate? I'm offended!_

Yeah! Me too!

Shut up with the sarcasm.

You were being sarcastic, Moony?

_Yes. _

You were seriously darkening the mood, Moony. I mean, with all those ways a person could kill himself.

_Sorry._

Well, you know,

What? What do I know?

_Let him finish, Padfoot!_

Well, I suppose it would be better to kill yourself than have that Chang girl kill him.

Or worse, actually having to hang out with her. Eurgh.

_You mean, Candy Chang?_

Yep.

The girl we 'matched' Prongs with.

_You were just too scared to say no to her._

Hey! That knife was sharp!

_I've just had a million-galleon idea!_

Ooh! What? I'd like a million galleons!

_That phrase isn't literal, numbskull!_

Ah man!

_Anyway, how 'bout we record the matchmaking session in the journal._

Great idea! But first, Wormtail, get over here!

What? 

Go check on Prongs. We don't want him dying now, do we?

I'm going!

I only did that because it looked like he was about to hit on me.

_I would have done the same thing mate._

Well. It started on the 15th. A week afterwards, we gathered out by the lake. The four marauders. Around two, or so, hordes of girls rushed down to join us.

_May I add the billions of fliers that were practically wallpapering the school?_

Sure, whatever. Anyway, one by one, they stepped up, and Prongs eliminated them by looks.

_More like you. Prongs wouldn't do anything, he just sat there, so you took the liberty of finding him a girl._

Well that took a long time, seeing the number of girls that had shown up.

_Not surprising. All the girls want a marauder. But, Wormtail's too ugly, they all know I won't date, you've already got a date, so James is their only hope. Not to mention, the things I've heard say that girls think James is the hottest marauder._

WHAT! I'm supposed to be the hottest marauder.

_Not according to what I've heard._

He may be my best mate, but I'm prepared to take him down , if he steals my title as hottest marauder.

_Have you ever noticed that you have fat rolls? Everyone else noticed years ao._

WHAT!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

_Hate to break it to you._

I'll never be the same again!

_So, Sirius whipped out a microphone (this muggle contraption), wireless, and it had a Sonorous charm placed upon it._

Oooh! I have to tell this part!

_You definitely healed quickly. _

Shut up. So I whipped it out and said, "Now, babes, all of you have been picked out for your drop-dead gorgeous looks. One of you will get to date James. Get into a line,"

_And in less than a second they were in a perfectly straight line. Goes to show how much this school loves Sirius._

"And come up, one at a time and tell me your name, year, and why you wan tto date James."

_So the first one came up._

"Hi. I'm Dorcas Meadowes. I'm a fourth year Gryffindor, and I want to date James because he's hunkalicious."

_That was just WEIRD!! So James said "Too young," and she left, almost in tears. I do feel sort of sorry for her._

Then the next one came up. "I'm Emmeline Vance. I'm a sixth year Hufflepuff. I want to date James because he's loyal and caring."

_She seemed nice enough, so we sent her to the finals._

"Hello, I'm Barbara Zabini. I'm in Slytherin-"

_She didn't have to say anymore, before you kicked her out._

What? She was in Slytherin? So a few more passed and then we came to a girl with bubble-gum pink hair.

"Hullo! I'm Nymphodora Tonks, but you can call me Tonks-"

"Nymphy! What are you doing here?"

"Might I ask what's going on?" asked James.

"Oh. This here is my cousin. The only good one."

"Let me finish!"

"Fine! But you're not dating James! You're too young!"

"Whatever. I'm a third year Gryffindor, and I here, not because I want to date James. You know, Remus, you're kind of hot."

You should of seen the look on your face, Remus!

But still. I forbid you to date Nymphy.

_Wouldn't dream of it._

Still, I'm having a premonition that you two are going to get married and have a kid.

But, hey that's as likely as me saying that was going to happen between James and Lily.

_Let's get on with it, shall we?_

Right, onward!

"Um, hi. I'm Lily Evans. I-"

_At this James jumped out of his seat and yelled, "We have a winner!"_

But Lily continued on. "I'm a seventh year Gryffindor, and I'm here only on a dare."

_James looked like he had just died. Actually, he probably did die, inwardly._

And then, "HI! I'm Candy Chang! I'm a seventh year Ravenclaw! I think james is hot! I'm going to be the one who goes out with him!"

Then I made the mistake of snorting.

She grabbed a knife out her sleeve, and held it up to the light. "If you don't agree, I'll have to stick this you-know-where."

_Ha-ha. You almost peed your pants._

You where threatened too!

_Well, she was put in the finals, and when it came time to decide, the four of us all pledged a vote for Candy._

Poor Prongs.

_Yes, indeed._

He really needs to get over Lily.

_You know I talked to Lily._

About what, homework?

_No, Prongs._

Really? What did she say?

_Well she said she noticed how after the 15__th__, James grew up, a lot. _

That was just him realizing he could never have Lily.

_Yep, but she noticed._

_She said she was glad he had stopped asking her out, but she missed the old James._

What?!

_She said that he was very funny, and charming, when he wasn't hexing Snivellus, yes she actually called him that. She said that it was very cute when he ran his hand through his hair._

That's his most annoying habit! She must really have it bad!

_She said that she just might like him._

The apocalypse is coming!! Run for your lives!!

_Gotta agree with that._

I'd play matchmaker between the pair, if I weren't afraid of having my bals carved out be Candy.

_Make sure Prongs never reads that._

Why, exactly?

_He'd go insane, and go back to normal, and Lily would never like him. _

Oh, right.

_Well, must get back to that charms essay._

It's not due for another week! Remus is insane!

So is Lily. She actually likes her stalker, apparently.


	7. Entry 7

Disclaimer: I will never own Harry Potter.

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry 7**

So. Here I am.

Waiting.

Just waiting.

Sitting in the common room.

Bored to death.

WHY DO THOSE WRETCHED GIRLS TAKE FOREVER TO GET READY?!

_I wouldn't suggest yelling that. You don't want your date dumping you today._

Jeez. Still, what's with them taking so long? It's only the biggest dance/event of the year, and how they look tonight will only stay on their permanent records, for like, forever.

**Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot. If I didn't know you, I would swear you were being sarcastic.**

You haven't answered my question yet! Given all that, why do they take so long to get ready?

_Hey, why don't we describe how we got ready?_

Sure!

**Fine with me.**

Whatever.

_So, it started a week ago._

Let me tell it!!

**Wow, you sure can't stay away from a story for long can you, Padfoot?**

Shut up. Now, as I was saying. We were going to Hogsmeade to pick out costumes.

_There's this convenient little shop that sells clothing. The merchandise actually changes to suit the customer._

Prongs wasn't with us. Poor Prongs was being dragged off by Candy to find matching costumes.

Frank Longbottom, the Gryffindor Keeper, came with us, He's out roommate, and we're fairly close. He's just not as close to us as we are with each other.

Anyway, the story goes like thus:

The four of us walked into the shop. It was a pretty small boutique, but it had racks and racks of costumes.

We looked for Wormtail's outfit first. He wasn't quite sure of what he wanted to be, so we looked around a bit. Finally, Frank found a velvet robe. He was joking around, and said that Wormtail should go as a billionaire. But then, simultaneously, we all realized, that it would be perfect. Wormtail had always wanted to be rich, and he was kinda dumpy, like an over spoiled billionaire. So, we wasted no time in finding a monocle, bubble-blowing pipe, and velvet slippers to complete the ensemble.

Frank was next. He and Alice had decided on going together as the king and queen of hearts. Whoever they are.

_If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times; they are from muggle cards!!_

Whatever. Now, we found him an all red outfit. It was from the Elizabethan age, and had a tunic (emblazoned with a golden lion, just for Gryffindor spirit. Hey, it was found by me!), tights (Eurgh!) found by Wormtail (leave it to him to find the gay things)

I'm still here, you know!!

I don't care. Onward. Buckled shoes, found by Frank, and a ruff. I'm not kidding. A giant lacey thing, with lace sticking out every which way, and even worse, it was actually tinted pink. Never did I know that Moony was such a wussie!

_You know, that was the highest fashion, back then!_

Yeah right.

Then, it was Moony's turn. He didn't know what he was going be either, so I decided that he was going to be a pirate. I was going to blacken his teeth, lengthen his hair, and put it into dreadlocks, and tan your ever-so pale skin. Everyone agreed. Except for Moony. So naturally, we did it anyway.

_Hey! I didn't want you messing up my body like that!_

Well, we wanted to make you eye candy for the girls.

_Like that'd work. All girls know of me as a nerd._

**It did work! Tonks came in earlier. She saw you and fainted.**

_That's just because she's had a crush on me since God knows when._

Eh.

So what's she dressing up as, anyway?

**A mermaid.**

WHAT?!! NO!! I FORBID HER TO! IT'S TOO REVEALING!!

**He-he. She goes perfectly with you, Moony. A pirate and a mermaid. Who would have thunk it?**

_Shut up._

Again, on with the story.

So, while Moony sulked in the corner, we looked around for Moony's outfit. I found a lacey-uppy shirty, tight black pants, and a large grayish overcoat. Frank found some cool boots, and Wormy here, the ingenious little prat he is, found some bandanas and beads to adorn (big word alert) Moony's hair.

**And the result; girls drop at the sight of Remus Lupin.**

_Shut up. I hate the pants. They make me feel gay._

**Ahh, Remy, you must embrace your girlish side.**

_I see you've already done that in your tights._

Then, there was me.

Knowing that Marlene would be a hula dancer, I decided to go along with the Hawaiian theme. I got a Hawaiian print shirt, courtesy of Frank, a lei, thanks to Wormy, and a flower charmed into my hair, no thanks to Moony.

_Revenge is sweet._

I found a grass skirt to wear.

_You better be wearing shorts underneath that._

Uh…

_Not just boxers._

About that…

…

**Moony! Charm some shorts on him already!!**

_Already did so._

So, Jamie, what did you do?

**Well, Candy dragged me to Madame Puddifoot-**

Ouch.

_Double ouch._

Triple ouch.

**She then tried to kiss me over tea, **

Not even going to say anything.

**But, luckily, I reminded her about the costumes, so we left.**

**We got to the same shop right after you left, and so there she found me this Prince Charming outfit, and I had to sit there while she tried on every single dress, asking, "Does this make me look fat?"**

**The truth was yes, for each dress. **

**But, I value my life, and therefore, zipped my lips.**

_Smart move._

**And it took her three whole hours to decide.**

Poor you.

_Hey! Mary's coming down the stairs!_

This is what happened:

She had on a white blouse, with a blue and white-checkered frock over it. She also had Mary Jane shoes, covered in red sparkles. Her long brown hair was in two braids, tied with red ribbons.

"Those shoes clash with that outfit." I had said.

"I don't care. This is what the outfit is supposed to look like," she snarled back.

We being the two beaters on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team have fought a lot over the years.

"Well, who are you supposed to be, then?"

"Dorothy, from the Wizard of Oz."

"The wizard of what-what?"

"Shut up, Padfoot. It's a muggle movie," Moony intervened.

Alice then came down.

She had on a voluminous red dress, with a ruff to rival Frank's. I never thought I'd see the day when that happened.

Well, at least Frank seemed pleased.

After that, Marlene came down.

She was-was-was, SEXY!!

She had on a coconut bra, with a grass skirt and a lei!!

_Why don't I continue, and let you drool in peace?_

_Well, she sauntered up to Padfoot, placed a finger under his chin, and pushed it up. She then whispered in his ear, "I'm glad you like it. I'm also pleased we matched."_

_Sirius then nodded like a little boy, and grinned as though he were in a candy shop. Come to think of it, he'll practically be in a candy shop in 20 minutes. Sirius sure does love his candy._

I can continue from here.

Marlene walked up to James and said that Lily would be down soon.

James replied, "But I'm not her date!"

She just smirked at him, and threw me a wink.

A footstep could be heard coming from the staircase.

Everyone turned their head. James did it so fast, I thought he'd get whiplash.

A foot stepped down. It had a silver high heel on, and there was a large cut out of the moon, in silver, placed in the center.

As Lily walked down, I saw she had on a midnight blue dress, with little silver stars embroidering it. The material was in the form of a strapless dress, reaching down to the floor, and even there, it still pooled on the ground. Her hair shone light brown in the dim light of the common room, but we all knew, that when we reached to Great Hall, it would shine the beautiful auburn of fall. There was a silver crescent moon, resting upon her forehead.

_You really have nailed your adjectives, Padfoot._

I leaned over and asked Moony, "Who is she supposed to be?"

"Selene, the Greek goddess of the moon," Moony replied.

He-he, she's honoring you, Moony.

**Stop drooling over Lily, Padfoot! You know she's mine!**

Back away from the notebook, Charming!

**Give me one good reason why.**

You can trust me, somewhat. But what about Wormy? He's over there, drooling all over Lily!

**Gotta go! See ya later!**

_Why did you do that?_

James was just going to write about how beautiful Lily is. Don't need more of that, not after my monologue.

_C'mon, it's time to go!_

You know what?

_What?_

I think I'll be a writer when I grow up.

_What happened to auror?_

Right.

…

I'll be a fiction writing auror! Even better, I'll write about our experiences on the field!

_Let's go auror-boy._


	8. Entry 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. That is what J.K. Rowling was created for.

AN: I don't know if you noticed, but Remus' outfit was based off of Captain Jack Sparrow, from… where else?... The Pirates of the Caribbean.

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry Eight**

That ball was great.

Or, at least I think so.

But I'm not quite exactly sure.

I'm partially, semi, not wholly, incompletely, unignorant, towards the current situation oat hand.

What?

I don't remember last night.

Its like a blank spot in my mind.

_Surely you remember something._

**Yeah, your memory must start somewhere.**

Well, I do suppose I must remember something.

Stop confusing me!!

Well, sorry.

_Now, what do you remember?_

We were in the common room, right after you had dragged me away from the notebook.

Prongs was staring at Lily again-

**Was not!**

Was too!

**Was not!**

Was too!

**Was-**

_Shut up, and listen Prongs! And you were staring at her!_

**Hmph.**

ANYWAYS, Lily sauntered (big word alert) up to Prongs, and placed her finger under his chin, much like Marlene did to me, and pushed it up. She then whispered something in his ear. I couldn't' hear it.

What did she say, Prongs?

**She said, "It's rude to stare."**

Just like you to memorize what she said to you, isn't it?

**Shut up, Padfoot. You agree with me, don't you, Moony?**

_For once, I agree with Padfoot._

OH YEAH!! THE MOONSTER AGREES WITH ME!!

**Well, she said it really close to my ear, and breathed on it!!**

Just like you to be excited over something like that, Prongs.

**And then, she winked at me, and turned and left.**

MY TURN TO NARRATE!! She left with a smirk on her face.

Now, we walked down to the doors to the Great Hall.

There, Candy latched on to Prongs' arm, and dragged him off.

I swear, I saw Lily staring daggers at Candy.

Then, we walked in. It was beautiful.

Marlene and I danced to two songs, a slow one, and then a fast one, before I found the candy bowl.

_The candy bowl. The dreaded, wretched, ever-lasting, refilling, candy bowl._

Yep, that's the one.

I found it, and started eating the candy.

I remember a first year coming up for the candy, but I shouted "MINE!!" and scared them away before they could take any.

Then, it all went black.

_That's called a sugar high._

**Whatever. So, Wormtail. Didn't see much of you lately, did I?**

No sir.

**Whoa. What's with the formality? Actually, never mind. How was your evening?**

Big word alert!!

_No, it's not. Evening is only a big word to you, Padfoot._

Fine.

Not big word alert.

Well, I saw the same thing in the common room. I was shell shocked. Lily was HOT!! You'd never think that Lily Evans would make every single guy in the room drool!

**Stop obsessing over my girlfriend!!**

…

**Soon-to-be girlfriend.**

_Thank you._

So when we got down to the Great Hall, I sat down at one of the tables with Moony and Mary Macdonald. 

The music was so slow, and soft, it made me tired.

My head fell down to the table, and it was surprisingly soft.

Yeah, it's called silk.

And I guess I fell asleep.

At eight??

Yep.

**Well. That explains why none saw you at the masquerade.**

_Although I was I bit to preoccupied to see you._

**As was I.**

I don't think I was. Maybe I saw you.

_Doubt it._

**Wonder what it must have been like waking up for our dear Wormtail?**

He wasn't in the dormitories; I figure he was out snogging.

_At eight in the morning?_

Well, now that you mention it, I woke to about 300 kids serving themselves breakfast. Of maybe it was lunch.

You can sleep that long?!

**So, where were you, Moony?**

_Well, as soon as we reached the Great Hall, Mary and I realized we were the odd two out. We didn't have dates, so we sat down and talked._

_She told me that what Lily did earlier, with the finger and the chin, yada, yada, yada, might have some hidden meanings._

_I asked her what she meant._

"_Remus," she said. "For being a pretty smart boy, who usually gets females, you're acting pretty stupid right now."_

"_Yeah," I agreed, "Sirius is probably wearing off on me."_

HEY!!

"_Remus, Lily's probably just jealous. As soon as we heard he was going with Lily, she wasn't too happy. And, to make James even more desirable, he was acting mature._

_So I decided to tell her about plan S.I.R.I.U.S. _

_She listened, and started cracking up when I finished._

"_We really need to get those two together."_

_I agreed._

_But first, I had a question._

"_So, did Lily show up to the 'game show' by herself?"_

"_No, that was a dare."_

**SHE LIKES ME!! SHE REALLY LIKES ME!!**

Whoa, hold your hippogriffs.

What hippogriffs? I don't see them!

We agreed that after the 15th, you would give up chasing after Lily.

Where are the hippogriffs?!!

So, you cannot chase her. You must wait for her to come to you.

**But that'll take forever!!**

_Prongs, If you chase her, you'll just scare her off again._

**Right! Thanks Moony!**

Don't I get a thanks-

I SAID. WHERE. ARE. THE. BLOODY. HIPPOGRIFFS?!!

**It's just a figure of speech, Wormtail.**

Huh?

_That means there are no hippogriffs._

Oh. So how did you spend the rest of your evening?

_Chasing after Sirius, who was on a sugar high._

What did he do?

_Oh, the usual. He sang a song about 'Spider-Pig' and grabbed a first year dressed up as a pig, and made them climb across the wall._

_He also kissed all the professors. Dumbledore, McGonagall, Sprout… You name them, he kissed them._

Even Slughorn?

_Even Slughorn._

Yecch!

_He also acted like a two year old, and pretended I was his mommy._

**He-he.**

_And, for the grand finale, he tried to snog me._

I'm just going to forget I ever heard that, and ask Prongs to tell us what the did.

**I ditched Candy after the first dance.**

How?

**I told her that Amos Diggory (her bigger crush) wanted to get together with her, but first, she needed to scare off his date.**

_That's cruel! You just single handedly destroyed their evening._

**Oh, I worked it out with Diggory and his date. They were going to be up snogging in the Hufflepuff common room.**

Ingenious (big word alert).

**Then I walked into Lily. I bowed to her, and extended my hand. I asked to dance.**

**To my surprise, she blushed, and said yes.**

**We danced the whole night long, that evening. **

**She really was beautiful. **

**Later on, we walked out by the lake. We just talked.**

**I asked her if she'd ever give me a chance, and she said YES!!**

**Best moment of my life.**

**But, the clock in the Great Hall, chimed twelve, our curfew. I officially hated that clock.**

**Then, Lily said she had to go.**

**She said goodbye, and kissed my cheek.**

**It's official.**

**I love the clock in the Great Hall.**


	9. Entry 9

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. Did you think that changed from yesterday?

AN: The Spider-Pig part from the last chapter is from 'The Simpson's Movie'. My brother is like obsessed with that song, so I had to include it somewhere!

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry 9**

**Lily is beautiful.**

**She really is.**

**And she said I might have a chance with her.**

**Then she kissed.**

**Did I mention how much I love that clock?**

**Lily's beautiful.**

STOP SIGHING!!

**I can't help it. Lily's beautiful.**

_You're repeating yourself there, Prongs._

AND STOP SIGHING!! IT CREEPS THE BLOODY HELL OUT OF ME!!! BE A MAN!!

I heard once that a true man wears pink. 

No one asked you, Wormtail!!

_Well, I agree with him. And didn't you say earlier to embrace your feminine side?_

I…um… well… Why don't we get on to the real matter at hand, here?

_Which would be?_

Prongs is using my notebook as a diary!!

_Padfoot, YOU use your notebook as a diary._

Well, the key word there is MY. MY notebook. I'm allowed to use my notebook as a diary, but no one else. GOT THAT?

Ay-aye, sir!

_Did you hear about what happened with Candy?_

**No, what?**

Ooh! This should be good! Get the popcorn, Wormtail!

…

Wormtail?

…

OI! WORMY, WORMY, WORMTAIL! WHERE ARE YOU?

_Padfoot, he went to the library to get some homework finished._

Oh. And why weren't we told this?

_You were. You just didn't happen to hear._

Ah.

**So? What happened to Candy?**

_Well-_

DON'T START THE STORY!!

_Why?_

Cause, I don't have my popcorn. Moony, oh my darling Moony. The light shines so bright upon thee. Would thou be so kind as to get me a barrelful of buttered corn, cooked to the extent of popping?

_No. I'm the one telling the story, aren't I?_

Fine. What about you, Prongsie, dahling?

**No. And you know how I hate posh, uptown, British Accents!**

We are British!

**But not posh, uptown, British, are we?**

Fine. But who will take care of the urgent matter involving getting me popcorn?

_Why not you?_

I'm too lazy!

_For heaven's sake!! You're a wizard, aren't you? Then summon some popcorn!_

Huh?

_I take that back; you aren't a wizard._

I am!

_Then prove it!_

Fine!

…

Mmm, popcorn! Thanks for summoning it for me, Moony!

_Well, considering the fact that you seem incapable of the simplest charm, I decided to help you._

**Let's get on with it, shall we?**

_Well, Candy spent the whole night searching for Diggory. She scared several first years into submission, but still didn't find him. _

_She eventually decided to wait for him on his bed. _

_She followed a Hufflepuff to their common room, and climbed inside after them._

_She then walked up to his dormitories, but found him snogging his date there._

_She slapped his date, and pulled him into a snog._

_Apparently, when she let him go, she lectured his date about how rude it was to force innocent boys to snog you._

_Diggory then sent several hexes her way, along with is date, and she ended up, shoved outside the Great Hall._

_She was dragged up to the hospital wing, and that was it. _

_Oh, she was let out of the hospital wing today._

HE-HE!! That was FUNNY!!

**And he said that I scared HIM!**

_Hey, look, it's Wormtail. He looks really out of breath._

James! Candy's cornered Lily!

Meaning?

**WHAT?!! Oh NO! I'm coming Lily!!**

I still don't get the significance (big word alert).

_And he's gone!! Prongs is quite fast, you know._

So. What do you bet's gonna happen?

I bet that James won't get Candy off Lily, and Lily will just revert to her usual self, and slap Prongs for being an arrogant, cocky, bullying, toerag.

Do believe in Prongs at all?

Not in the least.

_Nice wording, though. And what do you say will happen, Padfoot?_

Prongs will get Candy away from Lily, and Lily will start snogging him in thanks.

_You wish._

Yeah. I wish she would do that to me.

_Wait till Prongs hears that!_

You better not!

_Why shouldn't I?_

Cause I was joking!

And Prongs will kill me!

_Fine._

Now what do you bet?

_I say he'll pry Candy off of Lily, but Lily won't want to get together with James, yet._

Okay. Now, for the fun part! What are the stakes?

Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!

Yes, Wormy?

I think the tow losers should prance around the Great Hall during dinner!

That isn't good enough!

Wait!

What?

In your oyster suits!

_Sounds good to me!_

And me!

Fine.

_But why in the world DOES he have those oyster suits?_

No bloody idea.

_Why did you get them, Padfoot?_

Cause, oysters are cool, everyone knows that!

_Uh…_

And I wanted the chance to be an oyster! YAY!! OYSTERS!!

_Okay._

That's weird.

_Name one time when Padfoot hasn't been weird._

Got nothing.

**I'm back!**

How'd it go?

**Well, I rushed to the library, where Peter was, and a little second year told me they were out by the lake.**

**I officially love Celestina Warbeck.**

**I ran down to the lake, and saw Candy backing up Lily to the big oak. Candy's hand was clenched around Lily's neck, and Lily was starting to look purple.**

**I ran over, and tried to pull off Candy. **

**It didn't work. She was holding on strong.**

**I then promised her that Id give her a kiss if she backed off. She did.**

You actually KISSED CHANG?!!

**Not really.**

**She backed off, and I told her to close her eyes. I then summoned a fish from the lake, and held it up to her lips. **

**I threw it back, and she opened her eyes, looking perfectly happy. She skipped away.**

All she wanted was a KISS?

**I turned back to Lily, who was glaring at me.**

"**I don't need your help. The situation was under control."**

**I raised an eyebrow. This caused her to glare harder.**

"**I don't like you, and never will. So bugger off."**

"**But, but, but, you told me…" I whimpered back.**

"**I thought you might leave me alone if I said that. Apparently, I was wrong."**

**She walked up to me and slapped me HARD across the cheek.**

And you're acting all happy about it?

**She touched me!**

You're INSANE!!

_Speaking of insane, cough-bet-cough._

Huh?

Huh?

**Huh?**

_The bet!_

Right!

**What's going on?**

C'mon, Wormtail. It's time to pull out those oyster suits again.

Coming.

**THE OYSTER SUITS!! NOOOOOOOO!!!**

Jeez, Prongs. Stop being such a drama queen. Just cause I kissed you last time I was in the oyster suit. It's no reason to scream!

…

I LOVE OYSTERS!! YAAAAAYY!!!!!


	10. Entry 10

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.

AN: my birthdays on Sunday!!

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**Sirius Black's Notebook- Entry 10**

Prongs finally go to moping. FINALLY.

_You want him to mope?_

Eh, it's better than what he was doing.

Which was?

Being ecstatic (big word alert) about the fact that Lily touched him.

Doesn't she usually slap him, though?

That's what scared me.

_Well, Prongs is going to be moping for a long time now._

So? As long as he isn't ecstatic that she SLAPPED him.

_Hate to break it to you, but he'll won't be very fun when he hangs out with us._

Which means?

_No Prongsie._

No Prongsie?

_No Prongsie._

NOOOOOO!!!

_I told you so._

This is horrible.

It is!

Moony! How do we revert him back?

_I'm not quite sure._

WHAT? The Moony, unsure?

_The only definite solution is to get him together with Lily._

That's not happening.

At least, on my accord.

_Well, you could try cheering him up._

Time for plan K.K.K.!!

_KKK?!! _

Yeah, Keep Kompanion Kool!!

_That's just wrong!_

Why?

_For two reasons. One, you spelled two words wrong. _

And?

_KKK is a very, very, very, bad thing._

How?

_In the states, the KKK is a very racist group. It wouldn't be politically right to call it that._

So?

_CHANGE IT!!_

Fine! Just stop growling!

And, would you stop whimpering, Padfoot?

Shut up!!

I'm sure there are many others in the Great Hall, who heard you. 

So, time for plan O.A.R.!

Oysters Are Radical!!

…

I'll go get Prongs.

_This might take some time._

Why? He's only in the common room. It doesn't take long to get from the common room to the Great Hall.

_Never mind._

…

_So, how are you?_

Fine, fine. I'm doing fine.

_Hm, good, good._

I'm back!!

_That was quick._

Oh, well, he was right out side of the Great Hall.

_Oh._

**You didn't have to throw the inkwell at my head, you know!!**

Yes, I did.

…

If I wanted your attention, that is.

**Go away, and leave me alone.**

Why?

_So he can mope._

**So I can – what Moony said.**

Let's cheer 'im up!

Hmmm.

…

What should we do?

_Uhh… That's it!_

What?

_Tell him about the oyster suits! He was upstairs moping during that._

Perfect!

**Oyster suits? There was a reason I was upstairs during that!**

Yeah, to mope.

Just admit it. You're afraid of the oyster suits.

**Am not-**

_Let's end this before it starts._

**Fine. How does it go?**

The three of us had a bet going on, and the stakes were running around the school in the oyster suits.

Thank you! I really love the oyster suits!!

**Freak.**

Scaredy-cat.

_Shut up!_

Well, Remus won, obviously.

So yesterday, we dressed up in the suits and ran around the Great Hall-

_Like crazy maniacs, may I add?_

I'm ignoring that insult to the oysters!! Well, that was about it.

**No, it wasn't. **

How would you know? You weren't even down there.

**Yes, but every time you put on the oyster suit, you act like a maniac!**

Am not! I'm just trying to act like an oyster!

_Excuse me, but I thought I just read, "I'm just trying to act like an oyster." Please tell me I'm wrong._

Sorry. Can't do that without lying.

_Damn!_

**Bloody hell! Are you saying oysters are insane pimps?**

Yes, why, everyone knows that!

…

**Anyway, what did he do this time?**

_He, of course, started kissing EVERYTHING in sight, and then he rapped for a while, and finally ended by yelling, "Oysters will one day rule the world!! Fear them!!" and fainting._

**Well, at least I wasn't there. He couldn't kiss me.**

_WELL, he kissed ME. _

**He-he.**

_It isn't funny!! I AM MENTALLY SCARED FOR LIFE!!!_

Did you like the story?

**Yes. It was very funny. Now let me go mope.**

Ugh. He's gone.

_I think I shall go talk to Lily. I want intelligent banter for once._

Banter?

…

Banter?

…

MOONY, OH MOONY! WHEREFORE ART THOU, MOONY!! THOU SHOULD DISCERN TO ME THY INTELLIGENCE CONCERNING THE MEANING OF BANTER!!

Moony's not listening. But everyone else is staring.

Stupid Moony, in his stupid seat over there, talking to stupid Evans. WHY DOES EVANS RELATE BACK TO EVERYTHING?!

Huh?

C'mon, tell me you've noticed!

Evans is the reason Prongs is moping down on the other side of the table.

Evans is the one that Moony left us to talk to.

Evans is the reason that we created plan S.I.R.I.U.S., and that was the reason that we played matchmaker, which is the reason that Candy threatened to cut our, you-know-whats off.

You lost me there.

Evans is ugly.

What does that have to do with anything?

I HATE EVANS!!

Don't let Prongs hear you say that. He'd kill you.

Do you have anything better to talk about?

Um, um, YES!

What?

How are you and Marlene doing?

Wormy, Wormy, Wormy. I'm Sirius Black. Why would I have a girlfriend for longer than a week?

That's your record length!

Yes, it is.

Can I be your next?

Umm….

Hey! Look! Prongs is leaving!

Ooh! He is! I'll go follow him!

Glad he's gone.

Hmm, now Lily's gotten up. She's walking over to Prongs; maybe she'll slap him again. Prongs could use it!

WHAT?!

GLEE! GLEE!! HAPPINESS!! MUA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!!!!!

…

…

…

_I think I'll take over. _

_You see, what happened, as Prongs was walking out, Lily stepped up to him, and grabbed his shoulder._

_Prongs stopped, but didn't look back._

_Lily said, "James, I'm sorry. I really am."_

"_So?" Prongs replied._

"_I know I hurt you." At this, Prongs turned around._

" _I just wasn't sure of my feelings," she continued. "I've talked to a good friend about it, and I think I know what I'm going to do."_

"_What? And, why are you telling me?"_

"_Because…" Lily grabbed his tie, and started twiddling with it._

_Prongs looked utterly puzzled. Lily just smirked._

"_Because what?"_

_Then Lily yanked the tie, pulling Prongs down to her level (he __is__ about 7 inches taller than her), and kissed him full on the mouth._

_Prongs seemed to be enjoying it at first, but pushed away, with a questioning look on his face._

_Lily leaned in to his ear, and whispered, "I love you," at this Prongs looked positively shell-shocked. "I really do."_

_Prongs then pulled her into a kiss, and they started snogging._

_They still are snogging._

_This has go to be the record snog._

_Since it is dinner, the whole school's here. All the students were cheering wildly (except for Slytherin, but who expected them to?), as everyone had wanted them to get get together since out first year. Snogging is actually against the rules, but it seems the staff doesn't care. Slughorn was clapping enthusiastically, a broad grin plastered on his face. Dumbledore is smiling, and clapping politely. Even McGonagall was allowing a smile to cross her face._

_Padfoot had started a glee dance with Wormtail, and was dancing and cackling menacingly. Alice, Marlene, and Mary had joined in, along with plenty of other Gryffindors._

_Well, Sirius is coming, so I shall hand over the notebook. _

Thanks for writing that down. I was a bit busy too, and I wasn't close enough to hear the conversation.

_No problem._

…

Well, I'm full. That was a great dinner. I think I shall go up to the common room now.

Oh no. It's Filch.

He doesn't trust me with parchment any more. He confiscates it all.

_Why?_

Well, in second year he caught me with a parchment form Zonko's that

_Insulted anyone who read it._

Yep. And let's just say some of the things it said were pretty mean…

Well, buh-bye diary. I hope Prongsie's children read you.

Goodbye! Waaaaaahhhh!!

_Stop sobbing!_

Can't help- FILCH!!

**The End**

AN: Well, sorry for leaving it at that. But it's so I can set up the sequel. Yes, there will be a sequel. It will be called 'Fred Weasley's Awesomer Notebook' it'll be written by, you guessed it, the twins! I'll also have Harry and Ginny coming in. Well, the twins will be setting up Ron and Hermione. It will be in Hogwarts, but I'm not sure what year. It can be Ron and Hermione's fourth, fifth, or sixth year. If it's the sixth year, I'd have to make it AU, so Fred and George are in seventh year that year. Please tell me what you think I should do!!


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